Yup, back there again unfortunately.  And all because of money.  Why is it that I can be so put out by it…or the lack of it, more to the point.  I am in desperate need of it right now, my bank account is in the minus and I have another mortgage payment due in 14 days, one day before I get paid *sigh*  Just don’t know what I am going to do…

I think I might see if I can ring the bank and find out if they can delay payment for one day…

I know it has been a while since I have posted, but now I am here, I am not sure what I want to talk about, hehe.

I guess firstly is my weight journey.  I am now 116.1kgs, a big 6.3kgs since New Years.  I am happy with that, although, as most people, I wish it was more, hehe.  6.3kgs over 3 months is actually really good, hehe.  I just want to see more on the scales every time I get on them, hehe.

Health wise, I went to see my specialist on Tuesday.  I am down to 2.5mg Prednisolone, and my lung function test showed low 90 percentile. And that is amazing considering where I came from, hehe.  Now I just need to train my lungs to work properly.

A workmate and I go walking most days, or we interval train (jog, walk, jog walk), and we have decided to incorporate some strength work.  We haven’t done that yet, but we will soon!

I have finally found a way to transfer my absolute favourite work out VHS tapes to DVD so I can still use them.  I got to a size 10 last time with John Novak and his Aussie Fit team, I am hoping to get to a size 14 this time with the same help.

I have also sent my HRM off to get a new battery so I can work out exactly how many calories I am burning when I exercise.  To be honest, I think I am working out more than the CalorieKing website says I am, and the HRM will prove it.

And I bought a FitBit.  Not only does it do pedometer stuff, but so much more.  I bought it simply because it had range to tell me how well I sleep.  Not very well, I can tell you, but at least I know the reason I am tired some mornings, even though I go to bed early.

Anyway, enough of me, will get back to you soon.

Nothing to say about this one.  Not as depresses as I was last week, because I know why.  A combination of steroids and TTOM.  I’m going to forget about it and concentrate on next week.  Do more exercise, watch what I am eating more *sigh*

WOOHOO!!!!!

Our besties, Siela and Kaveri are pregnant!!!!  Oh I am so excited for them I can’t contain it!!!

Congratulations to you both!!

Damn.

Yes, I know it is mid week, but I wanted to post when I was in a really good mood .  I woke up today and dressed and I felt like I was in a skinny mood.  Indeed I looked a little thinnner in the mirror even though I have only lost 2.2kgs so far…

I think it is more to do with the fact that I am in a good mood.  Got a good sleep in, even though the traffic was hard, we are spending time with our besties and the world just feels right to me right now.  May not seem the same on Sunday, and I will become more anxious as time goes by, but I am happy, and to be happy with no reason is a wonderful thing.  95% of that is spending time with Siela whom I don’t see very often, 5% is just being happy because I am

Will post again soon

Not happy, Jan   Yes, it was a loss, but not as much as I thought would happen.

I’m really disappointed *sigh*  I exercised nearly every day, I ate properly most of the time… *sigh*  Guess I am really going to have to step it up.  Exercise every morning and lunch and eat practically nothing   You know, I even walked up the escalators at work three out of the last five days at work.

*sigh* Time for me to go do something, take my mind off this.

Oh, and this week’s challenge is to get up early at least three times to exercise.  Woo bloody hoo

She’s a woman that often takes the same train I do.  Not a small woman, in fact she would easily be my size, but she is gorgeous!  I don’t know what it is about her, but I feel a mixture of awe and envy every time I see her.

To me, she just looks perfect.  I am not sure what colour her eyes are (hazel, I think, but I can’t be sure) but they are framed by a lovely pair of gold/platinum coloured glasses that suit the shape of her face.  Her hair is straight and chestnut coloured with a splash of red underneath.  It falls down past her shoulders with a little flick on the ends.

Her skin is so clear and she wears very little makeup that I can see, and she’s graceful in all her movements which surprises me.  I always thought larger girls would be more clumsy, I certainly am.  This girl looks so comfortable in her own skin, like she takes everything in her stride and doesn’t worry about too much.  I’ve never seen her smile, but I bet it is brilliant

I‘m so envious.  Why can’t I be like that?  Why do I care what people think with every breath that I take.  Why is it that I constantly feel like I have done something wrong and that I need to apologise for it?  I always feel like I am somehow less than everyone else.  Even when I am in my element, like at work when I know when I am doing, I still feel like a failure.  Even now, I can’t seem to find the words to explain exactly how I feel… it is like I am skirting around the problem without actually getting to the core.  Stupid brain.

And my hair!!  Why the hell can’t I get my hair like this mysterious woman’s without spending hours with a straightener and a truck load of product.  AND!  More to the point, why do I have to sweat so much when the temperature reaches one degree above freezing that drips form and slide down the back of my head into my collar.  Even if I did manage to get my hair right, it wouldn’t stay that way long, the droplets turning my hair into a lacklustre stringy concoction, looking like it hasn’t been washed in at least a year.

I am so jealous.  My skin is horrible.  A mixture of Rosacea and time has ravaged my face, turning it into a feature that Rudolph would aspire to own.  I had freckles once… well maybe I still do, but the redness and the blue/black smudges under my eyes hide them.  I usually don’t wear makeup because my sweating would send it running down to my knees.  If I actually did manage to get some on, I’d have to put on half a ton with a trowel just to hide my scarlet features.

Seriously, I have no idea what my beloved sees in me sometimes.  I’m fat, flabby, lumpy and I have what he calls a “burlap”  It’s that fold of fat/skin people have around their abdomen when they have a lot of weight there… like a huge skin fold.  He calls me sexy and gorgeous, but I just can’t believe him.  I certainly can’t see it.  I guess it is one of the reasons I want to lose weight and get healthier…  I want to feel the words he sees.

Anyway, let’s not be too maudlin.  I have my weigh/measure in two days, that’s enough to make anyone go stir crazy.

By the by, this afternoon I ate a whole Fry’s Turkish Delight in my stressed out mood and felt rather sick…. Must capture this feeling in my mind so I won’t do it again…

Well, another pleasing sight, not fantastic, but it is in the right direction.

Nearly two kilos in two weeks, not bad….cms down…good…. watching what I eat a little more than usual….also good…  a little more exercise than usual (well anything is better than none!)… might step it up this week coming

Now, what to do about my Week 3 challenge… I will walk up the short escalator at the train station every morning this week.  Tomorrow will be a real test, hehe, I will be tired as, but I will do it!